The False Labels: How Childhood Shaped My Anxiety and Boundaries
- Deimina
- Sep 14, 2025
- 4 min read
Childhood Labels That Weren’t True
When I think back to my childhood, I remember words that cut deeper than they should have. “You’re selfish. You’re mean. You don’t want to share.” I heard those words often, even when all I wanted was something simple: to have my own toys, my own gifts, my own little world.
In my family, there were always double standards. My sister was allowed to keep her things as long as she wanted. Her toys were hers until they broke naturally, and no one pressured her to give them away. But mine? They disappeared quickly. If I wanted to hold onto something, it was seen as greed. If I resisted sharing, I was “the bad one.”
Even at celebrations, the unfairness was apparent. My godparents would bring two gifts — one for me, one for my sister. But my sister’s godparents never brought me anything. They said, “You have your godparents, don’t you?” It was said so casually, as if I didn’t deserve to feel special, as if love and kindness could be divided like numbers in an equation.
These weren’t just toys or gifts. They were symbols. To me, they meant recognition, individuality, and value. But instead of being seen, I was given labels that didn’t belong to me.
The Pain of Being Misunderstood
What adults often fail to see is that children who hold onto their belongings aren’t always selfish. Sometimes, they are protecting their sense of identity.
For me, toys and gifts weren’t about greed. They were proof that I existed as my own person. When they were taken away or forced to be shared, it felt like I was being erased.
And yet, instead of understanding this, I was judged. I became the “selfish” child in the family story. My sister was the bright, easygoing one. I was the difficult one, the one who wanted too much.
But the truth was different. I wanted fairness. I wanted boundaries. I wanted respect.
Being misunderstood in this way left a mark. Over time, those false labels became part of my inner voice. I grew anxious about how people saw me. I started questioning if I was really selfish, if I was truly unkind. Anxiety grew not because of who I was, but because I was never given the space to be myself without judgment.
When Healthy Boundaries Look Like Greed
Looking back as an adult, I see the truth clearly: I wasn’t greedy. I was trying to protect my boundaries in a world where they weren’t respected.
Children need to feel that “this is mine” is okay. It gives them security. It helps them develop a sense of self. But when adults confuse boundaries with cruelty, children learn the wrong lesson — they start to believe that self-respect equals selfishness.
That confusion followed me into adulthood. Setting boundaries at work or in relationships felt dangerous. I worried people would see me as “mean” again. I carried the weight of childhood labels into places where they didn’t belong.
What I Learned About Myself
With time, reflection, and therapy, I began to untangle the truth.
I wasn’t selfish. I was protecting my right to exist as an individual.
Boundaries are not cruel. They are the foundation of healthy relationships.
Labels stick, but they don’t define us. Just because others said it doesn’t mean it was true.
The irony is that people who once called me selfish couldn’t see that I was actually generous. I give freely — but only when it comes from my choice, not from pressure. True generosity is born from freedom, not force.
Breaking the Curse of False Labels
Healing meant rewriting the old story. It meant replacing the false labels with true words.
Anxiety had taught me to be hyper-aware of how others saw me. But Luna, my husky, became my mirror. With her, there are no labels, no false judgments. She doesn’t care about toys or possessions. What matters to her is respect, trust, and presence.
With Luna, I learned that relationships don’t require erasing yourself to belong. She honors my choices, and I honor hers. If she wants to rest, I let her rest. If I want space, she gives it. That balance feels natural.
It struck me that what I always needed as a child was exactly this: a relationship where boundaries were respected and individuality was celebrated. With Luna, I finally found it. And through her, I learned to give the same respect to myself.
Choosing Self-Respect
Breaking away from false labels is not about rebelling against others. It’s about claiming self-respect.
Today, I see myself differently. I am not greedy or mean. I am someone who values fairness, who believes in balance, who knows the worth of personal space and ownership.
And I no longer carry shame for wanting what is mine. Wanting your own things is not selfishness — it is a declaration of identity.
In fact, self-respect makes me more capable of giving to others. Because I know where I end and where someone else begins, I can share freely without fear of losing myself.
Final Reflection
False labels can shape us, but they don’t own us.
As a child, I was misunderstood. I was given names that didn’t fit, roles I never chose. But as an adult, I’ve rewritten that story. I see now that my desire to hold onto “mine” was really the seed of healthy boundaries.
Yes, anxiety grew from being misjudged. But healing came from truth: I am not selfish. I am not mean. I am someone who values respect — for myself and for others.
And the greatest irony? By embracing that truth, I’ve become more generous, more open, more compassionate than I ever was allowed to be as a child.
Because genuine kindness is not about giving everything away, it’s about giving from a place of freedom.
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